Can virginity be lost online?
I just finished talking to my friend Jason on MSN messenger. I met him a couple of years ago in an MMO. Both of us have moved on to other online communities, but we still talk nearly everyday. Anyway, he shared an interesting experience with me that reminded me of today’s discussion, which he gave me permission to write about with the condition that I give him a fake name.
In October, he hit it off with a girl on a forum-based RPG. Apparently they had a lot of things in common, and talked on the phone a few times. About a week after they met online, they decided to have cybersex. They’d both agreed that whatever happened online would stay online, and that having sexual relations through instant messenger was not the same as having actual sex. After it happened, he went back to just being friends with her, but she started behaving as if they were in a long-distance relationship. This made him uncomfortable, and he started avoiding her. Pretty soon, they were fighting more often than not. Eventually, they stopped talking altogether.
Well, yesterday he heard from her for the first time in months. They had a long conversation about what had happened between them, and as it turns out, she believed that Jason had taken her virginity and as a result, expected a greater level of emotional attachment from him. The specifics of what he told me, I found very interesting: she had never had sexual relations in real life, and he was not the first person she had cybered with. But according to her, he was the first person she had “gotten off” with while cybering, and thus the first person she ever shared an orgasm with. While Jason was talking to me, I got the sense that he was pretty bewildered – and honestly, I don’t blame him. I would be too, if I realized I’d taken someone’s virginity without leaving my computer.
Before we had this conversation, it had never even occured to me that something like that was possible. In fact, my first thought was that it was all a bunch of BS, and that she was just trying to lay a guilt-trip on him. I’m still not entirely convinced that she wasn’t. But then I thought back to today’s discussion, and how it’s so difficult to draw that line sometimes between reality and virtual reality. Maybe they just happen to draw that line in different places.
But, I think I’ll throw this question out there to anyone who stumbles across this post. Is it possible to lose your virginity online?