“Mom! I passed!” “Your test?” “No! As a boy!”
I apologize in advance for the scattered chaos that will be this post…
first off, having Alex and Ryan as speakers in our class was an absolutely amazing and eyeopening experience for me. I know I wasn’t the only one who had questions, though it seemed like I asked most of them– its definitely easy to second guess everything that comes out of your mouth when confronted with a “topic like this”.
the reason “topic like this” is in quotes is because I have already second guessed myself in saying it. The fact that it is such a rare opportunity (within AND outside of the bi-co) to be able to hear about the experience of trans individuals firsthand and in person is in it of itself evidence of the effect of gender norms present and pervasive in our society. No trans man or woman should have to walk down the street or into a classroom and get “oohs and aahs”, passing or otherwise. Alex’s story about the issues with top surgery that hes had are beyond belief. Frankly, learning about transgender, genderqueer, intersex, hemaphrodite, and everything-inbetween individuals is new to me… and absolutely intriguiging– but again, should I feel bad for being so interested? Why do we tiptoe so naive around minority? actually, I’ll answer my own question. we do it because the minority is something that “mainstream society” is inherently naive about.
in class today my definition of gender was something like “societal categories individuals are placed into, heavily influenced by one’s biological sex”. Clearly neither Alex nor Ryan were the first trans men to grace this earth… its wild to think that in all of human history the best we can do is two gender options? Look at the progression of race in our society– I would guess that at one point (not even that long ago!) there were no legal forms that even asked for race; anyone filling out such forms would be white. duh. Today we have access to white, black, pacific islander, asian, hispanic, blue, orange, tye-dye and OTHER, is it that difficult to add another box to the gender section?
the topic of passing is mind-boggling, in an amazing psychology-major sort of way. How does one pass.. who decides that they pass.. how many people knowing alex is a boy is enough for him? Must you pass internally 100% before you can begin to be concerned with passing externally? I had a huge AHA moment today in class, on this subject exactly. Someone asked if we were all passing, and where the issue of passing I believe is linked to gender for trans individuals, passing as a female every morning (or any morning for that matter) has not once crossed my mind. I remember in 6th grade having days that I would “dress like a boy”– ironically because I had a crush on a boy– but really this meant “dress like a girl who dresses like a boy”. not like a boy.
Then I considered the issue of race. AHA. there was my moment. that was it. Didya see it?
I’m bi-racial, black and white (err.. transracial? bi-gender? hmm…), but am usually seen as white. Or, people say “I knew you were somethin weird…just didn’t know what”. I’ve never had a problem passing as white, but it usually takes some convincing when I tell people my dad is black. “like… all the way black?” is a common response. yeep, like all the way black. I’ve never in my life passed as “all the way black”, but I can pass as mixed. And on the issue of race in this society, its okay to pass as mixed. Has anyone heard about a woman having a mixed baby and saying “hmm.. yeah I think we’re gonna go ahead with that skin/nose/hair surgery for my baby, maybe I’ll tell her when she’s a little older”. I haven’t. (what happens when this technology does become available..?) It is okay to be in the middle of two races (or am I just biased because I am?). When I go out for dinner with my family, people stare– and I’m sure that there are still people who would look at my family in disgust, adjusting their confederate flag belt buckle. But most of the time, they point, smile, COME UP TO MY PARENTS and say “your daughters are so beautiful and exotic”. no… we’re American, doesn’t seem to exotic to me. (The only time I can think of that someone has come to my family to make a comment that wasn’t about our mixed-ness was in north carolina, when a burger king employee took the effort to come out from behind the desk and tell my dad he looked like OJ simpson. But thats a story for another day.)
The point of all this is that although I can somewhat relate to the issue of passing– a tiny portion of what some trans individuals may be dealing with (or, like ryan, not really concerned with at all)– its nothing comparatively. Being mixed-race and transgender maybe have some (one?) superficial things in common, but clearly they are drastically different. Not to mention, my experience with “passing as mixed” has been for the most part positive. and for the record, it is very clear to me that this is something I take for granted.
My other definition of gender today was, “gender is evolving.” Gender norms have come a long way, but they’ve got a long way to go. C’mon technology– make it a little easier– help us out here.
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Really interesting… yeah it does seem to be more socially accepted to be of mixed race than of mixed gender — but then there are a lot more people (in fact probably everyone, when we get right down to it) who are biologically mixed race than biologically intersex. I was interested in your phrase “passing as mixed” — how are you passing if that’s what you “are”?
Also thought that was interesting about dressing like a girl who’s dressing like a boy. On the one hand that’s taking ownership of / re-making the typical boy’s outfit into a new “girl’s” mode, on the other hand it’s not exactly dressing like a boy. (Whatever “dressing like a boy” actually means…!)
Another question which I think is related. If we claim ourselves to be women but do something that’s “typically” male (eg dressing like a boy), is that in itself questioning boundaries? Or do we have to profess ourself to be trans to explicitly question boundaries? Is there some small anti-passing sentiment in doing what you feel like doing regardless of gender roles? Can we be passing (eg not proclaiming ourself trans and so not challenging the establishment) and at the same time not passing (eg by being physically female but doing something “male”)?
Frankly, learning about transgender, genderqueer, intersex, hemaphrodite, and everything-inbetween individuals is new to me… and absolutely intriguiging– but again, should I feel bad for being so interested?
Don’t feel bad at all! First off, people are fascinating in general. Second, I’m thinking about going for a Gender/Sexuality concentration, so you’re not the only one who finds, well, gender and sexuality interesting. There’s nothing wrong with being interested in something and wanting to find more information, and there’s a clear distinction between being genuinely interested and curious about someone’s life, particularly about an aspect you yourself don’t share, and acting like you’re at a carnival freakshow.
You do bring up an interesting point- are we interested in things like “alternative” identities solely because they’re exotic? Mmmm I dunno. Raise me in a society where everyone is polygendered, polysexual, polyracial, and polytical, and I’ll let you know what I think about straight white dudes.
Okay, so I have to tell a funny story about restaurants too. This one time I was with my mom and grandmother in a Panera Bread in Virginia. My grandmother is the stereotypical old white woman- she’s a WASP, extremely prejudiced, and says whatever comes to her mind at any point, no filters. Across the aisle from us was a white woman, two seemingly white children, annnd… an East Asian man. My grandma nudged me and while the family was sitting there made comments about “funny Orientals.”
What makes this situation hilarious is that right behind my grandmother, where she couldn’t see but my mother and I could, was a drag queen, dressed up quite finely if I do say so myself. The entire time I was thinking ‘Don’t… don’t turn around. Please don’t turn around. Mr. Guy sitting next to us, I’m so sorry she won’t turn off her mouth but if she turns around she will say Things and I will never live them down.‘
So. Funny story. :S
responding to Natasha–
not only are there more people that are biologically mixed race than biologically intersex, but when a black man and a white woman have a child, its “supposed to be” mixed. When a man and a woman have a child whos gender is mixed, someone told us “eh, thats not supposed to happen”. I would love to ask children what they think about a man and a woman having a baby that was “mixed”– gender wise; unfortunately I would bet that children are completely immersed in gender roles way before they could even answer my question. I’m babysitting a 3 year old tomrrow, I’ll try it out…
Maddie,
This post was really interesting and put a lot of things more into perspective for me. I’m also a mixed baby (My mom always said I was like Heinz 57 because of all my different ethnic backgrounds) my dad is Puerto Rican and my mom is mostly Italian. I’ve had similar experiences about people telling me ‘I definitely didn’t just look white’ and ‘that there was something exotic/different about me’. I can only remember one instance where someone’s comment actually bothered me but usually it’s just something I nod and say ‘yeah’ to. It’s never been a big deal to me to ‘pass’ as Puerto Rican but I never thought of it was ‘passing as mixed’ since it’s a part of who I am. But it is interesting that being a mixed race/ethnicity person doesn’t have as much of a stigma as being transgender…I hope that one day it’ll be as easy as saying ‘Well yeah my mom’s white but my dad’s Puerto Rican’ and I totally agree with your statement about legal forms – how hard is it to add another couple or however many boxes to the gender section…I feel like just adding an ‘other’ box would be creating a different kind of stigma altogether.
And I don’t think you’re biased about it being ok to be racially mixed – I think it’s ok to be what you are, what you feel, what you want to be.
Wow. -Great- post.
Maddie, regarding passing:
it’s not that I’m unconcerned with it. In fact passing is something I think about every day. Whenever someone refers to me using a male pronoun while I’m within earshot, I always wonder if they used that 1) because someone has told them they’re supposed to, 2) because they read me as trans without any outside guidance, or 3) because they read me as male. I’m not -worried- about which of these is true — I’m not making any particular effort to make any one of those options happen more often than the others — but I do wonder, and wish there was some way I could take an unbiased poll and find out.
On the train home yesterday, I thought to myself: not having to worry about passing is very much a privileged position … and it’s because I DO pass that I don’t have to think about it. I would guess that people who do not know me, do not read me as trans. They read me as male (until I open my mouth and speak), or they read me as female. So although I do not fit into the gender binary, I appear to fit … therefore I pass, even though I’m not trying to pass. Does that make any sense? Is that passing? Or does passing require effort? Does the fact that I don’t try to explain myself mean I’m “in the closet”? Or perhaps I am “stealth” — flying below the radar and leaving my trans-ness undisclosed? These are the questions that kept interrupting my game of iPod solitaire, thanks to your post. 🙂
Natasha, you said:
If we claim ourselves to be women but do something that’s “typically” male (eg dressing like a boy), is that in itself questioning boundaries? Or do we have to profess ourself to be trans to explicitly question boundaries? Is there some small anti-passing sentiment in doing what you feel like doing regardless of gender roles?
I so totally want to give you a hug for this. Not in a creepy way, though … in an “OMG yes you totally get it and that makes me happy” kind of way. The whole point, the WHOLE point of pushing boundaries is to make it equally safe for everyone to express themselves as they wish … whether that’s a revolutionary expression or not. Unfortunately, some truly believe the best way to make everyone equal is to make the “privileged majority” endure the same discrimination the suffering minority have been shouldering … the eye-for-an-eye approach. Which, need I say it? Makes everyone blind.
So, yes, by all means, do what you feel like doing — even if that means you appear to be adhering to gender roles! What’s important is not the content of the expression, but that it’s a genuine expression, and that it makes you happy and comfortable. And think about it … how many people do you know that actually adhere to “traditional gender roles”? Could following those prescribed rules actually now be revolutionary, since so few people are doing it?
Carrie, regarding your comment:
I totally agree with your statement about legal forms – how hard is it to add another couple or however many boxes to the gender section…I feel like just adding an ‘other’ box would be creating a different kind of stigma altogether.
Yup. Instead of adding more boxes, why don’t we just stop collecting that information altogether? I mean, who really needs to know what is or is not between your legs, other than your insurance company? Even THAT is debatable. (Aren’t doctors the authority on what kind of medical exams and treatments are needed, and therefore what exams and treatments should be covered, in order for an individual to properly care for their body?)